Q: "My husband and I are getting along great. I love his 5-year-old son, but I don’t want to be with him all of the time during visitation. So often, when it’s just the two of them, I feel like I don’t fit in. I get jealous and envious. How can I deal with all of these awful feelings? I should be better than this."

A: Perhaps I can ease some of your frustration. It’s OK that you don’t want to be with his son all of the time. You need to be able to get away and do the things that make you feel like yourself (get together with friends, go to the gym, etc.). It’s not your job to always be a part of the father/kid dynamic. It is very hard to feel like the outsider, but it is the feeling most Stepparents have. Your husband and his son have a history you don’t share, even if the child is only 5! Yet you don’t want to run every time they are together either, or you will always feel left out. Perhaps you and your husband can talk about ways to include you when you are feeling on the “outside." Explain to your husband that this is a normal feeling. Over time, the more you two can communicate with one another about the Stepfamily, and the more history you produce together as a family, the less you will feel so much on the outside.