Q: "When I married my wife, I felt so needed by her and Trish. I was so excited to have this wonderful family. Karen is so loving and nurturing, but she lets Trish get away with murder. When I want to impose a consequence, Karen thinks I’m too harsh and we get into so many arguments. She tells me to mind my own business, but isn’t it my job to discipline?"

A: You don’t indicate here how old Trish is and how long you have been the Stepdad. You may want to be the one in authority and dish out the discipline but, as difficult as it may seem, it is never a good idea for the Stepparent to discipline the Stepchild, no matter how much you may believe they need it. If Trish is young, it may take months for her to accept your being able to discipline her. If she’s a teenager, it may never be accepted. Your disciplining will just result in more anger from both your Stepdaughter and your wife. Early in the new Stepfamily, it’s the parent who needs to impose the rules and the discipline; it’s the Stepparent’s job to support the parent. You might find that your wife is more receptive to your supporting her, particularly because she might be fearful of losing the love of her daughter while the new Stepfamily is being formed.