“I don’t understand why this is so hard and why I feel left out all the time.”

“I feel like I don’t belong in my own home.”

“I dread the visits with his children.”

If you are feeling overwhelmed in your new stepfamily, you are not alone.

A relationship with stepchildren increases stress on the newly remarried couple in ways that couples without children do not experience.

Not only is the new couple trying to figure out how to navigate these relationships, but the children are trying to figure out who this new person is in their lives. As a stepparent, you may find it hard to imagine why your stepson or stepdaughter continues to reject you when you try so hard, or wonder how you will continue to deal with your partner’s ex-spouse. It’s a perpetual cycle of confusion for all involved – just at a time when everyone wants to feel accepted. And instead of making your stepfamily a cohesive unit, all of these frustrations may build anger and resentment toward your new partner and a sense of shame because you feel so helpless to figure it out!

Today it is actually more common for people to be in a stepfamily than to be in a traditional nuclear family dynamic. In a remarried couple with children, the roles of each of the adults and the old rules that applied to a “traditional” family don’t apply. Stepfamilies have dynamics unique to them because the roles of a stepmom, stepdad and stepchildren never fit into a “traditional” family model. These new rules are often not talked about, and you may feel like you are supposed to act like a regular family. But some things are just not “regular” about a new marriage to a partner who already has children!

The StepFamily Center is here to give you a chance to have a successful remarriage with children. Located in Beverly Hills and the Greater Los Angeles Area, the center offers in-person marital counseling services to help stepfamilies navigate their new roles and the S.O.S. for StepCouple series, a 5-part class with useful tips to help couples succeed. The center also offers phone and Skype coaching, and teleseminars for couples around the country. To learn more about the dynamics of a stepfamily, read one of the articles on our site, subscribe to our free monthly newsletter or feel free to contact us for more information.

We are here to help!

To sign up for classes, click here.

Privacy letter :: Legal notice :: Bibliography

All rights reserved 2004-2011. Susan Davis Swanson, LCSW,
The StepFamily Center.